6 Types Of Personal Websites

Published 2024-10-1 by NightMox

In Moxistan News' first ever SEO spam garbage list article that keeps you from finding what you actually searched for, we're gonna be listing off 6 types of personal websites that you can make yourself.

Queer Emptiness

Are you part of the queer community? Does the entirety of your identity revolve around who you want to have sex with and a gender identity implanted by people whose entire purpose in life is to spite people that don't politically agree with them? Well this type of website is perfect for you! This kind of site can mostly be found littered across the variety of Neocities sites created by gender-confused teens and adults with daddy issues. These websites most commonly have great designs that show great skills at crafting stylesheets but the majority of these sites lack any actual crap to read with the only modicum of actual substance being their 'About Me' pages filled with their identity collection and giant lists of the media they consoom. Perfect for when you want to make a website but don't have a single thing to actually say.

Christpilled Regurgitator

Do you hate the gays? Does the entirety of your identity revolve around which god your parents made you believe in as a child with an identity implanted by people whose entire purpose in life is to spite people that don't politically agree with them? Well this type of website is perfect for you! If you're too lazy to hand code a site yourself, these site's designs consists of using a static site generator which is almost always Hugo specifically to make the exact same templates. The content you can find on these kinds of websites usually consists half of articles that are just regurgitations of Luke Smith videos and the other half talking down to internet losers even though the site owner's one themself. Perfect for when you have a lot to say but none of it original.

Corpo Vagabond (CV Site)

Do you actually have marketable skills? Are you trying to get the attention of a soulless corporation so they can hire you to make proprietary spyware that furthers the restrictions of technological freedom? Well this type of website is perfect for you! If you have a deep knowledge of the dark magic known as JavaScript, this is the kind of website that's surely to get those corpos' attention. These websites frequently have a bunch of fancy crap like interactive knick knacks and text that has to fade or slide in that always makes me want to blow my brains out when I have to wait for the damn text to show. Being CV sites, these sites always have the creator's personal information. Perfect for when you inevitably piss off a Rust programmer and get doxed.

I Don't Know How To Code

Do you not know a single tag in HTML? Can't be bothered to spend a weekend going through any of the countless HTML and CSS tutorials to learn basic website creation? Well this type of website is perfect for you! Just use Wordpress or any of the countless website makers. Either of these will ensure you have a bloated, unresponsive website. Bonus points if you use Wordpress and one of your plugins gets hacked. Even if the website creator only uses these to publish texts, these site makers will ensure every page request wastes 20MB of bandwidth and takes 10 minutes to load. They also make sure your actual website code a complete garbled, unreadable mess which is perfect for when you want to export your website elsewhere but can't.

Moxistani Brutalism

Do you just want a place to spout your pseudointellectual sophistry? Does CSS make you want to kill yourself so you say it's a brutalist design as an excuse for your lack of CSS knowledge? Well this type of website is perfect for you! This kind of website will ensure you can spend dozens or possibly hundreds of hours writing and editing crap that nobody will even read.

Content Creator

Are you Content Creator that Creates Content for Content Consoomers to Consoom? Are you a soulless hack that only Creates Content so you can get sponsorships and collect ad revenue from your Content Creation? Well this type of website is perfect for you! Just use Carrd, Linktree, or some other personal link aggregator crap and put all your accounts that are on data hungry, society-ruining, internet-restricting social media platforms on there. Sure you could spend a little time learning to make a basic website for this but why do that when you can pay these companies so you can use custom domains, add larger media files, add more links, have no host watermark, have forms and payment crap, and trackers; most if not all stuff you can do for free if you just make your own website and put it on a free web host. Perfect for all your idio-corporate ventures.

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Do you agree with this list? What kind of websites do think should be on this list? Let us know in the comments below... Oh wait there is no comment functionality. Get fucked, I don't care what you think.